A Funny Thing Happens When You Let God Take The Lead

Thirty-Eight years of life for me as a Christian (no semantics here, I'll save it for another blog) and this is the very first time that I've practiced Lent.You see, I had this strong pull to do so and that usually means that God's got big plans in store for me, so I told my heart it's time to dance. I thought long and hard about what I should give up. Should it be my cell phone? Perhaps my daily dose of caffeine? Surely not chocolate. God loves chocolate... right? I spoke with a very dear friend of mine and she explained that it was better to give... than to give up. For Jesus, Lent represents his 40 days in the wilderness fighting the devils temptation. For us, Lent is more about saying "I understand your sacrifice and I Trust in You, Lord" I felt the Lord pull me into a slow waltz in that direction.  I could volunteer more, but that didn't feel right. I didn't want to let Him down. He has, after all, given me everything. I went to my office and ran my fingers along the spines of the books on my bookshelves, thinking... praying. I stopped on one that I hadn't gotten around to reading. That instant, it all clicked into place. I knew that my focus would be on Joe. I knew in my heart that I haven't been the wife that Joe deserves in many ways. I was too quick to anger, too quick to scold him as I would my children. He is my husband and I needed to remind myself of that fact. I am a good wife, but I want to be an exceptional wife, a Godly wife.

   The book was "The Love Dare" which is based on the Christian movie "Fireproof". To Fireproof a marriage is to build it to withstand anything. There are so many things pulling couples apart these days and without a strong foundation, mutual respect and a loving God, it is all too easy to lose sight of each other.  It was so important and it was obviously something that God wanted me to work on but I was so afraid of not following through. After all, I'm terrible with resolutions, why would this challenge not end in failure? Then I remembered...

When you wholeheartedly take on a challenge with Jesus, he takes the lead. In all my worrying, I forgot the obvious. This isn't just me making a resolution. This is me saying to God, I can do this with His supernatural assistance. This is me saying that I have Faith in His ability to dance me through this. You see, I've felt this before. This isn't our first dance. When you cry out to Him in sincerity... When you can no longer dance alone... He steps in. No judgement, no demands... This is what He wants from us.

I am now in day six of my first Lent and I have this calm that has overtaken me. I have found myself smiling during an instant that would normally bring a frown. I am seeing things through new eyes and I've noticed myself following the steps with the children as well.  The truth is my first thought was "This is too simple, I don't feel like I've sacrificed." I reflected on why I decided to choose my marriage to work on and I remembered the hurts, the anger... I saw my actions as a wife and mother. It was then that I realized that Jesus had taken the lead. There is even a difference in Joe, although he doesn't even realize that I'm doing all this. It seems that my opening myself up to the assistance of Jesus has opened up my family to His assistance as well. It's not that Jesus isn't always in my heart, of course, but the truth is we humans tend to have strong wills that like to lead instead of follow.  I am so grateful to have had this dance.


Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, 

bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32

How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . . 

How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, 

they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.  -Proverbs 16:32

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• Lent is about trust (uncollusion.wordpress.com)

First Day of Kindergarten Blues

reason# 10,010

Who would have thought that I, as involved as I am, would have such a hard time letting my kindergarten child go on the very first day of school? It was an eye-opening experience that I won't forget any time soon. 

   My little one was so excited about school, that I was completely unprepared for his unraveling as I sat him down at his table. He looked up and me with his beautiful eyes and asked me to please stay with him. I hugged him and told him that mommy had to go but that I knew he would have an amazing day. I stood up and walked out as he clung to his daddy begging him to please let him go home, for just today. He wasn't ready, he whispered. I stood by the lockers outside of the room, crushed, as other parents walked out with much more strength than I had at the moment. I had an image of running in and picking him up in my arms as we bolted the halls together. Just then, Mrs. Fossler, our school counselor, rounded the corner. I told her that it was MY kid having a meltdown and that daddy wasn't about to leave him. You see, his daddy is worse than I am. Well, of course, Mrs. Fossler knows that the best way to deal with this situation is also the hardest. Just leave, brave parents, he'll be fine. She sat with him for a few minutes and ushered Joe out of the classroom. He and I peeked into the window one last time, watching as he stared at the door, waiting for our return.

Normally, as PAW president, I would stay for a while, do a meeting or two, but I knew that today my only option was to leave. So we left and went home to a silent house. That is when, dear parents, I lost it. I cried. I missed him so much. It dawned on me that the first time I went through this with my oldest son, I came home to a two year old. I worried all day about the little things. Would he be able to open all of his lunch packages? Will he be able to manage his buttons? Will he ever find his way home to me? The little things. :)

All I can say is this... It was the longest six hours of my life. We could not wait one second longer as we headed back up to the school to gather our children. We drove up. As my youngest climbed into the car, I asked him about his day. He informed me that it was a great day and that he was ready for tomorrow! He told me about how much fun he had and that he made friends just like I said he would. I was stunned. At the end of the day he was fine and I was a wreck. I am so proud of my big boy and I am looking forward to another great year at Creighton!

Reason# 10,009 - He loves US! How sweet is that.

Joe says he loves US. Not just me, but us... as a couple. During a conversation, he informed me that he has always seen us as a good team. We play well together. I've always known this and others have always seen this, but I was never sure if Joe did. To hear him say it just takes my breath away. We balance each other out. When the kids frustrate one of us to the point of anger, the other steps in. When one is sick or dealing with a hardship the other is always there to lead us through it. Since the very beginning we have always managed to fill in the gaps. A wise person once told me that love is NEVER 50/50. Truer words have never been spoken. In the best relationships, there will always be one pulling the other out. When one is weak, the other is strong. He has never said anything more romantic...

Reason# 10,008

We were so young 

 I have the most amazing husband... ever. Seriously. Who else would get up at 6:00 am to cook lasagna for the PTO? Or clean anything that I can't bend down to do? Or read a book beside me in bed until we both fall asleep? I have to admit reading beside him was quite alluring.... I had to work really hard to keep my hands off of him. I should stop now... Reason# 10,008

‎"People will tell you that this kind of love will fade
That bein in love like this is only a phase
But baby after all this time ain't nothin changed
All you gotta do is look at me that way

 There ya go

Makin me fall in love again
Oh and I gotta tell ya

Theres nothin better
Than you and me together
Workin on forever" 

~ Kelly Pickler ~ Makin me fall in love again

Reason# 10,006 AND 10,007

Honeymoon

Just when I think I will never survive the next 30 days in my cumbersome, roly-poly stage of pregnancy, my husband says Thank You. "Thank you for carrying my children" as he bends down to put on my shoes, of which I am tired of doing. He also cooked an amazing dinner last night, followed by a healthy fruitful (speaking of fruitful) breakfast this morning. I love him so much and I am honored to carry his children.

Reason# 10,005

Guess which side belongs to me.

I love the way that Joe lets me have every single pillow in the house piled onto our bed when I'm pregnant. I even love the way he laughs at me as I build my "nest" before bed.

Reason # 10,004

Yes... This Guy

I love the way Joe sometimes just listens when I complain about my day. When I'm mad because the phone always rings at the wrong times, or when Daniel wants to play on my computer even though he KNOWS it isn't working well. He isn't judgmental and he doesn't just jump in to try to fix it. He JUST listens. (Of course, I would like him to help me fix the computer problems I'm having. That needs immediate action. I know that he will though...won't he?)

P.S. He fixed the computer!

Reason # 10,003

Daddy is making the kids laugh in the next room. That deep belly laugh that makes their sides hurt and makes it hard to breathe. It is the best sound in the World. Reason # 10,003 of why I love my husband.

Reason# 10,002

Joe just dotted stars all over the boys ceiling with glow paint.... It's magical. Now every night they get to fall asleep beneath the milky way.
Reason 10,002 that I love this man.

He's no Prince Charming...

... and I'm definately not Cinderella!
Our fourteenth anniversary is coming up in a few weeks and I always take the time to reflect on where we are in our relationship. Love ISN'T a fairy tale. I'm not saying this in disrespect of our relationship. Just the opposite, in fact. The truth is, it isn't always perfect. We sometimes take each other for granted. HE doesn't pick up his socks and I am terrible at getting the laundry done (or the dishes, in fact).WE are both too easily frustrated with our kids. (Poor kids) HE can't make a plan to save his life. I can't take out the trash.

That being said, I love him. Like a love song. It is such a give and take thing and sometimes its a love and hate thing. Our lives are wrapped up in each other. Everything we've been through, we've been through together. Its beautiful to step back and see everything woven together, as it was meant to be. The ups and downs and always having someone to look to in those moments of despair. I hope my kids see that their Daddy, dirty socks and all, is THE love of my life.




Reason # 10,000