He died for me... Would I die for Him?

As I lay in bed this morning in a lucid state of dreaming, I recalled a memory from long ago. I was at an east Texas camp with a group from school. I was 11 at the time.

We were walking through the trails with our group counselor discussing all that surrounded us. We stopped for a discussion. I don't recall how we breached the topic of conversation, but I recall very strongly my response to a personal statement that the group counselor made. He told us that he was a naturalist and that the trees were his chapel. I think I would have been ok if he had stopped there... But no... He went on to inform us that he didn't believe that there was a God. That God was a mythology created by men to control the masses.

I remember standing with my feet firmly pressing into the ground... My hands pressed to my side with my fingernails pressed into my fist. I told him that there was most assuredly a God and that God was the director of every tree that he worshipped. That God was all around us... And furthermore... He should be ashamed of himself for telling a group of children that God did not exist. I didn't do this with a childlike faith. No... I did this with my faith as firmly planted as my feet. With a steely resolve and little doubt that I would die for my faith in Jesus Christ where I stood, if the need be.


Most who knew me as a child probably never thought of me as someone who even knew Christ, let alone defend Him so fiercely. I never discussed it. As a teenager, I really didn't care to go to church. Fought against it, actually. Even as a young wife, I chose to marry in a courthouse. It was never Christ I was against... I knew this. (I'm aware this makes me a terrible christian. I guess I take the whole "personal relationship" clause seriously.) I don't recall ever not knowing Christ. Even when He felt far from me... I never doubted Him. It was me stumbling away. Not in defiance, mind you... But as a toddler taking first steps away from his mother.

I know that it is said that Christianity is not something that is inherited. We are each supposed to make our own commitment to Him. I have just never felt a time when I wasn't committed to the knowledge that He died for me. I've had the alter call. I know that I was (am) a lost sinner, but I feel that He has been with me since time began. I KNOW that is not the right thing to say.... :-) But it is what I carry with me. I am so very flawed... And so very thankful for His grace. I am truly unworthy of such a gift.

This brings me back to my dream. I'm not sure why this memory comes unbidden from time to time. As I lay in bed pondering this memory I began to wonder if I were still that courageous. Would I have the courage to die for my faith... Would I die for Him as He died for me, If the need should arise? I pray so.

My Three Sons

I am 6 months pregnant with another baby of the male persuasion! It seems that   we must know what we are doing in that area. This time around has been a bit harder than the first two, being as I have a very full plate. I have been much more tired and plagued with more of the negative symptoms of my condition than before.

   We were not expecting another baby so late in the game, especially considered that our youngest will start school the very month this new little one will make his entrance. No rest for the weary. :) That's not to say that we aren't thrilled... now. The first week or so was spent reminding us of how much work goes into the rearing of a baby. Two hour feedings, another car seat, another chair at the table! We soon realized though, that having a baby around is so much fun and well worth the downsides that goes along with it. The sweet smell of their heads, the first smiles and laughs, the promise.

The name situation, however, is another story. What are we going to name this newest member? What will we name him that will carry him into the future? My mistake was made when I told Joe early on that if it was a boy, he would get to name him this time. Then I remembered... he has always liked the name Daschell. What have I done? Will he be strong enough to carry such a name? Will it be perpetually mispronounced? Where is my strong Christian name? We have made a compromise... I think. Dashchell will be his middle name. The first name is still being considered. These are the top contenders.

Andrew
Christian
Jacob
Thomas
Evan

Right now, I'm daydreaming. Will he look like his brothers? What will he do to make me laugh? What new dynamic do I have to look forward to? The one thing I know for sure... I love him already.

This picture...

... moves me as few others ever have.

YHVH - Behold the Name. Behold the Nail

Stress seems to be my middle name these days. My dad is in the hospital following another heart attack. Joe calls this afternoon stranded after his work van broke down. Turns out the fuel pump is out, which means two days of downtime and cost for repairs. Christmas is around the corner with taxes nipping at it's heels. School needs, party plans, it all seems unending. As I began hyperventilating this afternoon, I began to pray for God to show me His plans. For Him to tell me that He would handle it IF I just let it all go into His heart for a while. I believe this, I truly do. I have seen it happen many times, and yet it is never easy to pass on the burden.

With all this, I have been having a Crisis of Faith, not so much a crisis of faith exactly, but a need to explore Jesus as a Jew. A want to know that side of Him and to respect it fully, without disparage. I feel as if, without that, my faith isn't complete.

Anyway, in the moments before sheer panic set in, I sat down at my computer and looked up my favorite author of all time - Athol Dickson, for no other reason than a desire to do so. I found the following article on the meaning of GOD's true name. It startled me. Please bear with the author to the very end paying close attention to the last three paragraphs.
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""I am still amazed by something a friend emailed to me yesterday, a quote from a devotional called Behold and Be Held, the Memorial Name of God, by Aaron Rabin. I can't find this devotional on the web, or I would link to it. I won't quote the whole thing here, lest I infringe on Mr. Rabin's copyright. So I'll just get to the bottom line.


In the devotional, Mr. Rabin refers to the tetragrammaton, YHVH. This is the most holy name of God, given to Moses at the burning bush, the one that most English translations render as “I AM”. The Hebrew letters sound like "Yud Hey Vav Hey". YHVH is also the "forgotten" name of God, which Jews say has a meaning and a pronunciation that was lost because their ancestors have refused to speak it aloud since about a generation before the Roman destruction of the temple in Jerusalem. (To learn more about this, visit this site, and scroll down to "The Name".) Today YHVH is most often rendered as "Yahweh" when written or spoken by Christians and others. It is still never pronounced aloud by Orthodox Jews. “Jehovah” is an older, less accurate rendition. YHVH is also the name most often printed as the LORD (all caps) in English Bibles. (Sometimes "Adonai" is translated that way as well.)


Anyway, in his devotional Mr. Rabin refers to a conversation he had with an Orthodox rabbi, which drove him to question his Christian faith. Here is a quote:


"As I spoke to the Orthodox rabbi and used the Scriptures to support my faith, I felt like a child in a highchair trying to explain the theory of relativity to Albert Einstein. He called me an apostate Jew, accusing me not of finding Messiah but of embracing a pagan religion. He wielded the Scriptures like a sharp sword, slicing my faith - and my heart - into smaller and smaller pieces.

"My testimony, which had always been to me like a beautiful stained glass window that I could gaze at to see the power of God's saving grace, now seemed like a pile of broken glass. My faith was in crisis. I knelt and pleaded with God to restore the joy of His salvation in me."


This is very like the crisis I felt myself after spending years studying the Torah with several rabbis in my home town. (You can read about it here.) Like me, Mr. Rabin turned to the Lord and to the Bible. In the midst of his search for truth, he says the Holy Spirit led him to the story of the burning bush, and the secret name of God, YHVH.


Mr. Rabin investigated the ideographic meaning of the Hebrew letters Yud Hey Vav Hey. An ideogram is a symbol that represents an idea, like those little male and female shaped signs you see on the outside of public restroom doors. This is similar--but not identical--to the Chinese written system, or ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. Hebrew letters have had ideographic meanings since ancient times. (Learn more here). I knew this, but I never thought to check the tetragrammaton against those meanings as Mr. Rabin did. When I verified his assertion here, here and here, I was amazed. There are several ideographic meanings for each of the letters. Hey, for example can mean both "window", and "look" or "behold". Vav can mean "hook", "peg", or "nail". But in each case the ideas represented by the letters are closely related. With all of this in mind, using the ideographic meanings of Yud Hey Vav Hey most commonly accepted by Jewish scholars throughout the centuries, I found they absolutely match Rabin's translation.


Symbolically speaking, the most holy name of God, YHVH, can indeed be translated as:

 "Behold, the hand. Behold, the nail." ""